Jewish Life Cycle

BIRTH

Baby Namings and Brit Milah (Bris)

The first commandment God spoke to humankind in the Torah is "P'ru u'r'vu - be fruitful and multiply." With these words as our inspiration, Jews have celebrated the birth of every child with meaningful rituals and a meal of celebration for millenia.

What are these customs?  They include Brit Milah (ritual circumcision) for boys and Simchat Bat (baby naming ceremonies) for girls. 

If you are reading this material in preparation for the birth or adoption of a child or grandchild, let us wish you "B'shah-ah tovah," a traditional greeting which means, "May the baby come at a propitious time for all."  If you have already been blessed with the birth or adoption of your child (or grandchild), let us say "Mazel Tov" to you and your family.  If you are reading this solely in order to learn about Jewish customs, we hope you enjoy your learning!  

Raising a child is a precious gift that comes with many responsibilities. One of the first things that parents need to do upon the birth or adoption of a newborn is to choose a name for their child.  A person's name is part of their identity.  As Jews, our Hebrew names are what we are called by and blessed with when we are sick, when we ascend the bimah for an aliyah during the Torah service, the name that is written on our ketubah (wedding contract) and more.  The bestowal of a Hebrew name is thus a key element of bringing your child into the covenant of the Jewish people and the first step in building their Jewish identity.  

Names and Judaism

There is a midrash (a collection of rabbinic stories about the Torah) that says one of the reasons our Israelite ancestors merited to be freed from slavery in Egypt so long ago was that they preserved/kept their Hebrew names.  Even surrounded by Egyptians and reduced to slavery, the Israelites took pride in their Hebrew names. Thus, our Hebrew names have long been one of our most tangible links to the Jewish people. 

As with many Jewish customs, there are differences between Ashkenazi and Sephardic communities.  It is customary for Ashkenazi Jews to name their children after deceased relatives and for Sephardic Jews to name after living relatives.  Both customs enable parents to express their hopes and aspirations for their child through the choosing of a name(s).  For example, choosing to name a child after a great-grandparent whose kindness inspired others means the parents hope their child will similarly be kind, etc.

Hebrew Names

Dating all the way back to the time of the Maccabees it has been common for Jews to possess two names:  a secular name for use on a daily basis, and a Hebrew used at synagogue and for religious ritual.  Today, many American Jews give their children both English and Hebrew names.  Sometimes the two names start with the same letter. For instance, Scott’s Hebrew name might be Samuel and Melissa’s might be Michal.  Sometimes the English name is the English version of the Hebrew name, like Jonah and Yonah or Deborah and Devorah. Sometimes the English name is a name the parent’s chose because they simply liked it, while the Hebrew name is the exact one of a deceased relative.  

There are several sources for Hebrew names for Jewish children today.  The first source of names is the Hebrew Bible, where we find names like Abraham, Sarah, David, and Hannah.  The second source is modern Israeli names.   Modern Hebrew has names used in Israel include ones such as Tal, Shai, Ayalah, Noa, and more. 

Additionally, some families of Ashkenazi origin still give their children Yiddish and/or Hebrew names.  Thus, a boy named Steven may be called Tzvi Hersh or a girl named Pearl be called Perle/Perla. Most agree that a Yiddish name is a valid "Jewish" name for a child.         

Finding the Right Name for Your Child

Now that you know how important the right name is, how do you choose the right one for your child?  Do you pick an old name or new name?  Do you want your child to have a unique name or a popular name?  Do you want her/him to have a Hebrew name that you can use for both ritual and daily use or an English name and a totally different Hebrew name?  Are you comfortable giving your child a name that is difficult to pronounce, obviously Hebrew, or unusual in meaning?

To help you with your choice, Rabbi Goldsmith has a number of books of names, their origins, Hebrew equivalents, and more, that she and you can use together to help find the right name for your baby.  These include:    The Complete Book of Jewish Names, by Alfred J. Kolatch and The New Name Dictionary.

In addition, there are many resources on-line to help you pick the perfect name for your baby.  Two such resources are: Baby Name Finder – Kveller and https://www.20000-names.com. At the latter website there are subsections for both Hebrew names and Yiddish names!

While finding the name you want before the birth is a good idea, don't worry.  If you haven't made your choice as the due date approaches, be patient. Looking into your baby's eyes and getting to know their personality can help you to pick the most fitting name for your child. 

Brit Milah – Welcoming Jewish Boys into the World

While the command to be fruitful and multiply was the first commandment given to humankind in the Torah, one of the first given specifically to the Jewish people was the observance of brit milah – the covenant of circumcision.  In Genesis 17 God commands Abraham to circumcise himself and his son Ishmael.  God then says:  “And throughout the generations, every male among you shall be circumcised at the age of eight days.”  Brit milah (ritual circumcision) therefore is a commandment of the Torah and binds each Jewish boy/man in a covenantal relationship with God, the same covenant established by our forefather Abraham.

The command is to have Jewish boys undergo brit milah (often referred to as a bris) on the eighth day.  The way we count to the eighth day is different than one might think.  The day of birth counts as Day One. Thus, a boy born on a Tuesday will have his bris the following Tuesday.  Please note that if the child is born after sundown, the brit milah is moved to the next day (in our example it would move to Wednesday) because a Jewish day begins at night, and we don't want to accidentally do the brit milah on the seventh day.  It should be noted that scientists have learned in recent years that Vitamin K, which helps with clotting, is higher on the eighth day than on any day prior.  Thus, for both religious and medical reasons we don’t want to do a bris before the eighth day.  

The mitzvah of brit milah is so central to Jewish tradition that one is required to perform the ceremony even if the eighth day falls on Shabbat or a holiday (even Yom Kippur). Knowing how strict the rules of Shabbat observance can be, this is amazing!  The exceptions to holding a Shabbat or Yom Tov brit milah are in the cases of births at twilight or births by voluntary C-section.  In these situations the brit milah is held on the ninth day. And of course, a bris would be delayed if the newborn boy is sick.  In that case medical need takes priority over brit milah and the child has a bris when the doctor says he is healthy enough to do it. 

While the commandment from the Torah originally meant that each father should circumcise his own son, today this is very rare.  Almost all parents designate a mohel (pronounced moy-ul) to perform the ritual on their behalf.  A mohel is someone who is trained and certified to perform a brit milah.  While many mohalim (plural of mohel) are rabbis, others are Jewish doctors who have received special religious training in this ritual. Both men and women can be trained to serve as mohalim, though a female is called a mohelet.

There are several mohalim that regularly serve the South Florida community.  Two who we know other members of our Temple Beth Am community have used are Dr. Andrew Krinsky at:  Dr. Krinsky | Board Certified Religious Mohel in South Florida and Dr. Elise Leonard at:  https://floridabris.com/. 

A brit milah is most often held in the home of the newborn's family.  Sometimes it is held at the synagogue or another location.  It is recommended that one call the mohel/mohelet as soon as possible after the birth of a healthy son so that you can schedule the bris.  The mohalim in our area are fully capable of doing the entire service themselves.  However, if you would like Rabbi Goldsmith to participate in your simchah (joyous occasion), she will be able to coordinate with the mohel of your choice. 

It is traditional to schedule the ceremony early in the day.  If it is not possible to hold the ceremony in the morning it is permitted to have the ceremony any time on the eighth day prior to sundown.  In general the mohel will provide instructions for the family and what they will need on the big day. Such items include a Kiddush cup, wine, a pillow, a chair designated for Elijah the Prophet, and a challah with which to begin the seudat mitzvah, the festive meal following the brit milah, as well as items to help with the baby’s comfort after the ceremony.   

The ceremony itself consists of three parts:  the ritual circumcision, the bestowal of the name, and the seudah mitzvah.  The first part is the ritual circumcision, which includes several blessings recalling the covenant God makes with us through our ancestor Abraham.  The mohel will help the parents recite any blessings necessary.  The second part of the ritual is the bestowal of the Hebrew name.  It is customary for the parents of the infant to explain the choice of name, who the baby is named after, what qualities of the loved one you hope the child exemplifies, etc.  Following the bestowal of the name is the seudat mitzvah, the meal celebrating the special occasion and fulfillment of this religious obligation.

If you have any additional questions concerning brit milah, please feel free to call Rabbi Goldsmith at 954-968-4545 x 118.     

Simchat Bat – Rejoicing in the Birth of a Daughter

The birth of every single child is a miracle that should be celebrated.  In Jewish tradition while baby boys are welcomed into the covenant and given their Hebrew names at a brit milah (bris), baby girls traditionally have a naming ceremony.  In the Sephardic tradition this home ceremony was called a zeved ha-bat (which means “the gift of a daughter.”)  In Ashkenazic communities, baby girls often received their Hebrew names as part of a Shabbat morning service, or any other service where the Torah is read.  This ceremony is simply referred to as a Baby Naming or Simchat Bat, which means “The Joy of a Daughter.”  This naming ritual consists of an aliyah to the Torah by the (Jewish) parent(s), followed by a misheberach blessing by the rabbi, and the formal announcement of the baby girl’s Hebrew name(s).  Just as with a bris, after the name is revealed, the parents are asked to say some words about the name chosen, the people the baby is named after, etc.  Some families ask to participate in other ways in the service, such as reading from the Torah or leading a prayer. Many families choose to enhance the special event by helping to sponsor the congregation's Kiddush luncheon after the service.  

Over the past several decades many families have chosen to hold Simchat Bat ceremonies in their homes on a Sunday or other weekday rather than at synagogue.  These ceremonies, which often include wrapping the baby in a tallit, the lighting of a candle, drinking of wine, holding a miniature Torah, etc. and naming the child, can be personalized to include many family members in the festivities.  Following the ritual there is a seudat mitzvah (meal celebrating the mitzvah of naming one’s daughter) similar to that following a brit milah.  Rabbi Goldsmith can help parents who wish to create their own ceremony.  

Unlike a brit milah, a baby naming or Simchat Bat does not have to take place on a certain day.  However, there are some customs that can help serve as a guide in your planning.  Before the advent of the Simchat Bat home ceremony, it was customary for the father to receive an aliyah as soon as possible after the birth of a daughter, even within a day or two following the birth.  At that time the baby’s name would be given during a special misheberach – whether the baby or mother was present or not.  This leads to the idea that just as a baby boy receives his Hebrew name fairly quickly, we should try not to delay giving our daughters their names either. Whenever you decide to hold the ceremony, Rabbi Goldsmith would be delighted to help you create a meaningful ritual for your family, to officiate at our synagogue, or the venue of your choice.  Feel free to call Rabbi Goldsmith at 954-968-4545 x 118 with any questions or to schedule your big event!  

B’sha’ah Tovah and Mazel tov!

BAR / BAT MITZVAH

At Temple Beth Am we recognize the significance of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah in the life of each Jewish child and family. It is in many ways a significant moment in the life cycle both for the young man or woman and his/her parents. As such, in our Bar/Bat Mitzvah program we strive to provide each child with the opportunity to discover and hone his or her own unique talents and interests, culminating with an individual ceremony reflecting each child's personal strengths. While it is best that a child's Jewish education begins in their early years, we at Temple Beth Am believe all Jewish adolescents should be able to celebrate their Bar/Bat Mitzvah. As each student nears age eleven, families will work with Rabbi Goldsmith to choose the date of their child's future Bar/Bat Mitzvah.  Then, six months prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, students begin individualized instruction with our excellent Bar/Bat Mitzvah tutor to ensure that their preparation is complete! They are also strongly encouraged to participate in a Mitzvah Project of their choosing which focuses on their passions, providing great personal pride and satisfaction upon its completion.

Students work in conjunction with Rabbi Goldsmith, our Bar/Bat Mitzvah tutor, and our Hebrew School teachers to prepare for their simchah.  Our Ritual Director Ken Halpern works with each family to assign honors for the big day.  All work together to craft a meaningful celebration for the entire family.  

MARRIAGE

In the book of Genesis, shortly after the creation of Adam, we read:  “The Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make a fitting helper for him.” From this passage we learn that God has created human beings with the innate desire to find a partner with whom we can share our lives.  Moreover, since God personally created Eve so that Adam would have the right partner, we understand that God has an interest in each of us finding our soul-mate.  Indeed, as Rabbi Maurice Lamm once wrote:  “If God created man, woman, and their marriage relationship; and if the creation of man and woman is good and marriage a blessing; then God is a conscious, albeit silent, partner in the marriage.  Thus the ideal Jewish marriage is a triangle composed of two human beings and their Creator….Jewish marriage is naturally sanctified by God.”

The Jewish wedding ceremony itself is structured in a way to show that God is the One who both sanctifies our marriages and acts as a silent partner.  The basic ceremony consists of Kiddushin or betrothal and an exchange of rings, the reading of the ketubah or wedding contract, and Nisuin or the wedding ceremony with the recitation of the Sheva Brachot, the seven blessings recited at all Jewish weddings.  

Marrying your soul-mate is a truly wonderful event in your life!  The clergy and professional staff at Temple Beth Am would love to share this fantastic time in your life with you.  We encourage you to consider getting married right here in our beautiful sanctuary, signifying both your commitment to our tradition and each other.  Our social hall is a perfect venue for your celebration, able to seat over 200 guests. Our kosher kitchens are perfect for your kosher caterer to provide your guests a delicious celebratory meal.  However, whether you decide to hold the ceremony here or at another venue, Rabbi Goldsmith can help make your wedding even more special, combining the basic elements of all Jewish weddings and with the personal touches you want.  

For more information about planning your wedding, please call Rabbi Goldsmith at 954-968-4545 x 118.  In addition, if you would like more detailed information about Jewish weddings we recommend reading The New Jewish Wedding, Revised by Anita Diamont.  You can also find information on Jewish weddings and other life cycles at https://www.exploringjudaism.org/living/lifecycles/. 

ILLNESS

God created we humans with wonderful yet imperfect bodies.  As such, each of us goes through life experiencing greater or lesser times of good health.  Jewish tradition recognizes how physically, emotionally, and spiritually challenging it can be when you are faced with illness, whether it is temporary or a chronic condition.  

While dealing with your illness or the illness of a loved one, it is common to feel in need of spiritual inspiration and comfort.  Many people find comfort in reading Psalms, including but not limited to Psalms 6, 30, 61, 119, 121, 130, and 147.  Other prayers of comfort include the Hashkivenu, the final stanza of Adon Olam, and more. You can find these passages in your siddur or at https://www.sefaria.org/texts.  

If you or a loved one is ill, please contact the office at 954-968-4545 or send an email to rsternberg@beth-am.org.  At that time you can request a hospital visit by Rabbi Goldsmith, ask for a phone call from the rabbi or a member of our Bikur Cholim committee, and/or request to have the name of your loved one put on the synagogue's Misheberach list.  You can also add names to our Misheberach list by filling out our online form here:  https://www.beth-am.org/form/mi-sheberach

BEREAVEMENT

The loss of a loved one, a painfully inevitable part of life, is arguably the time when we need the support and guidance of Jewish tradition and our community the most. Even during our saddest moments we believe that we are not alone.  Thus it is customary upon hearing of the death of an individual to say, "Barukh Dayan Ha'emet," or "Blessed the Judge of Truth," an acknowledgment that our lives are daily in God's hands. 

It is customary in Jewish tradition to bury our loved ones as quickly as possible after death.  This is a benefit of those who will be mourning as the waiting process can be both painful and confusing.  It is also understood traditionally as a benefit for the person who has passed, as it enables his/her soul to more speedily continue on its spiritual journey after death.

Our synagogue family is particularly sensitive to the needs of mourners. Our Rabbi is always available to assist you, comfort your family in your hour of need and officiate at the funerals of your loved ones. If you would like Rabbi Goldsmith to officiate at the funeral and/or arrange for a shiva minyan, please call her directly on her cell-phone at 703-798-5368 to begin the necessary plans. 

When a loved one dies, whether or not you need Rabbi Goldsmith to officiate, please contact the synagogue office at 954-968-4545. The office will collect all the necessary information to make arrangements for an announcement to be sent to the congregation. 

Living in South Florida with its large Jewish community, there are many funeral home and cemetery options for families when burying a loved one.  The facilities that are most commonly used by members of our congregation are Star of David (954-722-9000), Eternal Light (561-821-9503), Menorah Gardens (954-434-1531), and South Florida Jewish Cemetery (561-264-4364).    

YAHRZEIT

Jewish tradition understands the importance of remembering our loved ones who have died.  Thus we observe Yizkor as part of our communal holiday celebrations.  Additionally, we remember our loved ones each year on the anniversary of their passing, called in Yiddish, one's yahrzeit.  Congregants who provide Temple Beth Am's office with the names and dates of their loved one’s passing will receive a letter annually between two and three weeks prior to the observance of the yahrzeit.  As the yahrzeit approaches, we encourage families to donate to the synagogue in memory of their loved one.  Each day at minyan, the names of those whose yahrzeits are observed on that day are read.  In addition, all names for the entire week are read during both Friday evening and Saturday morning Shabbat services.   Congregants who attend minyan on Monday or Thursday morning can have the prayer known as El Malei Rahamim, God Full of Compassion, recited on behalf of their deceased loved one.  If you have not received a notice and would like one, this may mean the office does not have your yahrzeit information.  Please update your file in ShulCloud or contact the Temple Beth Am office at 954-968-4545.  If you do not know the Hebrew date of your loved one’s passing and/or do not wish to receive notices from the Temple, you can easily find out the date at www.hebcal.com where there is a link for yahrzeits.